Making It Read online

  “What?” Meg bolted upright. “The hell he is. He loves you.”

  “Yeah, apparently not enough.” He straightened his shoulders. “Well, fuck him. I have you and don’t need anyone else.”

  “You needed this baby.” Meg leaned back against the pillows, wincing. “It might have made a difference.”

  “I don’t think it would have. He . . . Things haven’t been great for a while. Maybe I saw things that really weren’t there.” Dating, the sex, their engagement, they had been a whirlwind. “I did want a family. Do want. I thought he did as well.”

  How had things gone so wrong, so fast? He loved Eli, loved the idea of the life they’d been building. But apparently even if you spent time polishing a turd, that didn’t magically turn it into gold.

  “I can’t worry about Eli tonight.”

  Meg slid her hand across his. “I was serious. The doctor still has all the genetic material. We’ll have to talk to him, try and figure out exactly what we need to do, but I’m willing to have your baby.”

  Was that something he could do alone?

  Devan smiled at her. “Let’s focus on getting you healthy. We’ll figure the rest out later.”

  Even if that meant going it alone.

  Three years later

  Eli hadn’t realized how badly he’d needed to come home. Toronto was a place like any other, a city that welcomed dreamers, that laid opportunity in front of its citizens and dared them to go for it. Toronto was a piece of him, the thing that had cemented the foundation of his self and allowed him to build up.

  Strange, then, that he’d gone to such lengths to avoid coming back here.

  A police car blasted by on the street behind him as he stood inside the front of Ringside Gym, staring. God, this place . . . so many memories, both good and bad, were tied here: bruises, tears, and hours of laughter. This little hole-in-the-wall gym had been at the heart of his teen years, had played a huge part in making him the man he was today.

  He’d always known that Zack would eventually get this place up and running again—that man didn’t know how to quit once he’d set his mind to something—but this? The new sign, announcing to the city that Ringside Gym was opened for business, shone bright in the daylight. Everything was beyond his expectations. He stepped further inside, letting the smell of sweat and the echo of voices wash over him.

  The gym, while still holding on to some of the old features, was fresh and clean in a way that it hadn’t been when he’d hung out here as a teen. The ring in the center of the room was original, that much was obvious from the chipped wood around the base and the dull color of the ropes. The place wasn’t overly busy, though that wasn’t surprising given the time of day. Two men were practicing punches by the side mirror, while a woman was using the heavy bag.

  The city, this place, for a second, washed away the pain and loneliness of the last three years of his life. Seeing his childhood haven resurrected was worth the deluge of reminders of the life he’d walked away from all those years ago.

  “Eli!”

  One moment he was standing by the ring and the next he was being squeezed by a smiling Zack Anderson. He returned the hug, making sure to give Zack’s arms a bit of a once-over. “Dude, you’re wasting away. You’re losing all of your muscle mass. I thought you said you were at this place twenty-four seven?” He wasn’t that bad, but Eli hadn’t pushed Zack’s buttons in far too long.

  “Do you honestly think I have time to do anything other than paperwork? I train a bit here and there when I have a chance.” Zack pulled back, but kept his hand on Eli’s shoulder. “Now I know why Russel was always on the hefty side.”

  “That had more to do with the beer and watching TV than being busy.” Eli looked around, not sure what to take in first. “Dude, you’ve done an amazing job.”

  Eli couldn’t help but notice the strain that had always characterized Zack’s personality was gone. He was smiling, and his eyes sparkled in a wonderfully unfamiliar way. “You look good, man.”

  Zack grinned. “Let me give you the tour. I also have someone I want you to meet.”

  Ah, a guy. That makes sense.

  They walked into the small office that once had held more boxes of old files than there’d been room for living people. The musty scent that used to permeate every corner of the place was gone, replaced with fresh paint fumes. The best improvement was the thin man sitting behind a small computer desk, glaring at the screen. His hair was a bit long, covering part of the left side of his face. There was an intelligence in his eyes that Eli couldn’t help but notice.

  “Hello, handsome.” Eli wasn’t normally one to flirt, but he couldn’t help it, and chuckled when Zack stiffened beside him. “You come around here often?”

  “Back off. I don’t care what your MMA rank is, I’ll kick your ass,” Zack growled. “Nolan, this asshole is Eli McGovern. Eli, this is my partner, Nolan.”

  There was no missing the emphasis on the word partner. The memory of Devan’s face flashed in his mind, and he immediately squashed it. Eli bumped Zack out of the way as he leaned over the desk and held out his hand to Nolan. “Nice to meet anyone who can tolerate Zack.”

  Nolan’s smile was more cute than charming. “Thank you so much for coming to help us with the grand opening. Having you here is going to generate so much publicity for the gym, I’ll have to setup a wait list for registration.”

  “I still can’t believe you’ve managed to get everything going again, Zack.” Eli turned to look through the office door, a wave of nostalgia washing over him. “It’s perfect.”

  “Everything is up and running. You can practice here too.” Zack grabbed his forearm and gave it a squeeze. “Don’t want you softening up while you’re on vacation.”

  It was weird to think of having any time off. Eli had been on the road, in the gym, or competing for nearly three years now. “The nursing home won’t let me stay with Mom, so I’ll have plenty of time to work out.”

  This was the second major stroke his mom had gone through in four years. As much as he hadn’t wanted to come back home and risk reopening the festering wound that had replaced his failed marriage, he couldn’t ignore his mom’s deterioration and worsening dementia.

  He was here for her, here for Ringside’s opening, and that was all.

  “It will be so amazing to have a well-known fighter here. Has Zack shown you the steam room?” Nolan got to his feet a bit too quickly and banged his knee. “Ouch.”

  “Not a lot of room in here.” Zack moved around to help Nolan. The smile they shared was an unexpected stab to Eli’s heart. “Nolan is also determined to get our yoga studio open. Can’t leave well enough alone, this one.”

  The urge to run hit Eli. Jesus, Zack was happy and clearly in love. Because Eli’d screwed his marriage up didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy for his friend.

  Focus on the here and now. Smarten up. “Yoga is great for core strength and it gives you a different way of getting people into the gym.”

  Nolan stopped moving, turned, and faced Eli. “I’m sorry, would you be so kind as to repeat that, please?”

  Zack groaned. “Please don’t.”

  “Oh no, he really needs to.” Nolan’s grin could have powered a small country for a year. “I believe your friend and professional athlete just said that I was right.”

  “Traitor.” Zack spun Nolan around toward the back of the gym, but not before Eli caught the sparkle in his eyes. “This way.”

  For a heartbeat, Eli couldn’t move.

  His gaze had locked on to Zack’s hand and how his thumb stroked the side of Nolan’s neck as they walked away. It was a simple touch, casual in a way that betrayed their easy intimacy. Eli hadn’t touched anyone like that for three years. His hands were built for destruction, not love.

  Devan laughed as he threw Eli’s dirty T-shirt at him. “I can’t believe how disgusting your shit gets.”

  “The stink helps knock my opponents out.” He tossed the shirt in the hamper
before making his way to Devan.

  “Don’t touch me, you’re gross.” He didn’t pull away when Eli wrapped his arms around him. “God, go shower.”

  Eli reached up and cupped Devan’s cheek. “Why don’t you come join me?”

  There it was, the sparkle in his eyes that always sent blood to Eli’s cock. Devan leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Sweet talker. Let’s go.”

  “Dude, you coming?” Zack had turned back to face him.

  He shoved memories of Devan deep down into the recesses of his brain and nodded. “Yeah. Show me this yoga space.”

  Over the next half hour, Zack and Nolan took him around the gym, while Eli and Zack reminisced. The scent of fresh paint and wood breathed life into his soul. If this rundown place could be resurrected, then there was hope for anything.

  And everyone.

  The yoga studio was nearly finished, still needing some of the mirrors to be placed on the wall.

  “Should be done for the grand opening next week.” Nolan leaned against Zack’s side as they surveyed their accomplishment. “I wanted it to be a hot-yoga studio, but there was no way we could afford that yet.”

  Eli’s head had started to pound, no doubt from the lack of sleep and the need to eat. He walked fully into the studio and did his best to ignore the quick kiss Zack planted on Nolan’s cheek.

  “Hot yoga is a big draw.” Eli moved away from the leaning mirrors, his gaze now fixed on the exposed pipes in the ceiling. “It would be expensive to convert this place though.”

  “Maybe if we expand to a second location.” Zack draped his arm around Nolan’s shoulder as Eli turned to face them once more.

  The pounding in Eli’s head intensified. “I think I’m going to head back to Mom’s. I need to lie down for a bit.”

  “Sure.” Zack frowned in a way that told Eli he had a thousand questions but wasn’t going to ask. “Need a drive?”

  “Naw, I’ll be good. I rented a car.”

  “Max wanted us to come by the bar tomorrow night for a private party.” Zack reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card. “In case you forgot the address.”

  “Thanks. Not open on Mondays?”

  “Nope, so it will only be the five of us.”

  Five? That meant Max had also found someone while Eli had been away. “I can’t wait to see him.”

  “Before you go, I wanted to show you the promo.” Nolan disappeared into the hallway before Eli had a chance to argue.

  “He’s very excited about the promo.” Zack smirked. “Even if you don’t like it, lie. It will make his day.”

  Eli didn’t know what Zack was worried about. Nolan came back with several posters that featured the Ringside logo, the date of the grand opening, and Eli’s professional headshot. “I hope you don’t mind. I spoke with your manager, and he sent the picture. I figured if we’re going to promote the fact that MMA-up-and-comer Eli McGovern is our guest of honor, then I wanted to do it right.”

  “It’s pretty damn good. Can I take one?”

  Nolan rolled the poster up and handed it over. “I’ve reached out to local media, bloggers, and the newspapers. We also have a special event for Big Brothers Big Sisters. I have a friend over there who said the kids can’t wait to meet you.”

  This was a bigger event than Eli had assumed. Not that he minded: Big Brothers Big Sisters had been a godsend for him as a kid; it was the least he could do to give back. “Sounds good.”

  “You okay?” Zack squeezed his shoulder.

  “I’ve been on the go too long today. I have some shit to do at Mom’s place, then I’ll probably crash.”

  “Yeah, sure.” Zack leaned in and gave Nolan a kiss. “I’ll walk him out.”

  “Sure. Nice to meet you.”

  Eli nodded and followed Zack down the stairs and out to the street and the city air. The moment he took a deep breath, some of the tension bled away. “I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to come home.”

  Zack crossed his arms. “How’s your mom doing?”

  “I haven’t seen her yet. The staff at the nursing home says she’s not bad, considering how big this last stroke was.”

  “Shit. I’m sorry, man.”

  “Nearly three months of hell.” And he wasn’t there for her. Again. Despite knowing she was in a safe place, getting the best possible care, he’d grown too comfortable with the idea of someone else looking after her. “Doctor thinks she might show some more improvement, but it’s hard to say at this point.”

  “That’s something.”

  “My manager, Stephan, is pissed that I’m here, but I needed to make sure she’s doing okay.” He couldn’t afford to fall off everyone’s radar at this stage of his career, but this was his mom. It didn’t matter that Stephan had been trying to get another fight lined up for him. If he walked into the cage with his head somewhere else, he’d get his ass handed to him. No, it was for the best that he was here, at least for now.

  Eli loved to fight. He loved the camaraderie and grandstanding, and the blood, sweat, and tears. Devan used to caution him that one day all that would be over, and he’d need something to fall back on. That his family needed him to be there for them.

  Devan . . .

  He’s not your concern anymore. You fucked that up.

  He didn’t have a family. The last time he’d spent any time with his mom, she’d had moments when she couldn’t remember his name. The blank stare she’d leveled at him, the little shudder of fear when he’d reached out and taken her hand . . . Fuck, that was too much for him. And Devan?

  Stephan had been thrilled when Eli told him he was unattached.

  “Yeah, sure. I personally don’t care about who you’re fucking. I don’t want to know. But let’s just say there are some in your audience who wouldn’t pay money to see you fight if they got a whiff of . . . certain things. So I’m going to tell you what I tell all my fighters: if you’re gay, don’t be.”

  He didn’t need a family when he had a fast track to making it big in the ring. “Stephan will be after me to get back to Montreal as soon as I can. He hates the idea of me not being ready to fight at a moment’s notice.”

  “He sounds like a real charmer.” Zack shoved his hands in his pockets. “You seeing anyone?”

  Eli forced his body to stay relaxed. “No. Why?”

  “I was wondering if we should extend tomorrow’s invitation to anyone else. Hate that you’ll be flying solo.”

  “It’s fine. I’m used to it.” Fact of the matter was, he’d had no interest in dating for the past three years. He’d walked away from the best relationship he was likely to ever have; there was no sense putting another man through his shit.

  “Are you going to call Devan?”

  Eli’s gaze snapped to Zack’s. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve hung out, but you know better than to go there.”

  Zack looked at him—hard—before he slowly nodded. “Wanted to see the state of things. I’ll let you get to your mom’s. And let me know if you need me to help with anything. She’s family too.”

  “Thanks. She’s good for now.”

  Zack backed away slowly. “We’re here if you need us. See you tomorrow.”

  It was strange seeing Zack after all this time. Three years ago, when they’d last gotten together with Max, Zack had possessed as many edges and angles to his personality as Eli had. More. He wasn’t going to chalk up Zack’s softening to being in a relationship—he hadn’t seen enough of Nolan to know for certain—but there was something churning in his stomach that told him that was the truth.

  Would Eli have turned out the same if he’d stayed with Devan? Probably not. Zack’s anger, his temper, had always been quick to boil over, but equally fast to dissipate. Experience and time could help with that.

  Eli’s issues were different.

  Slipping into his rental car, Eli gave himself a moment to blank his mind. Emotions were too much of a liability both in the ring and in life.

&n
bsp; Calm.

  Focused.

  Empty.

  After letting out a slow breath, Eli pulled into traffic.

  Devan frantically raced around his apartment, picking through the chaos in a vain attempt to find Mr. Fuzzy. There was no way Matthew would last five minutes at his sleepover with Aunt Meg if Mr. Fuzzy wasn’t securely in his hands. Hell, he wouldn’t make it out the door without screaming bloody blue murder.

  “Where the hell are you?” He dropped to his knees and began to sort through the toys, the laundry he hadn’t managed to put away, and the shredded remains of a Maclean’s magazine he’d yet to read. He caught a flash of dark brown, and crawled across the floor. “Aha!” Mr. Fuzzy’s floppy ear protruded from under the edge of the sofa. With a gentle tug, the well-loved bunny emerged, a wad of dust stuck to the chewed, stitched nose. It took a second to clean him off and check to ensure the white tail he’d made an attempt to sew back on was still safely attached. “You will live to flop another day.”

  Matthew’s chatter echoed happily through the baby monitor. He’d rediscovered his truck this morning, which had given Devan a full thirty minutes of bliss. He should have done dishes, or rescued the laundry that had served as Matthew’s playground last night before bed. Instead he’d sat staring at the monitor while sipping his coffee. One day, he promised himself that he’d learn to not feel guilty when he needed to relax.

  No doubt that would be around the time Matthew was ready for college.

  Only eighteen years to go!

  Carefully checking the diaper bag once more, Devan went through the mental list of everything Meg would need for the next two days. It would be weird going about his Monday morning without having to prepare for daycare, but there was no way he’d be able to manage everything while getting a root canal.

  Devan liked to think of himself as a superman, but dental work and painkillers sucked the life from him.

  The buzzer went off, and he rushed to the panel. “Hey.”

  “It’s Meg.”

  He buzzed her up and unlocked the front door before racing into Matthew’s room. “Hey, big man. Auntie Meg’s here. Want to go see Meg?’